Naomi so turnt up she can’t even tweet right

Naomi Campbell been throwing too many phones lately.

body look good but if that’s your real hair i’ll eat my weave

She posted a tweet congratulating Malala Yousafzai, the 17-year-old girl who survived being shot in the head by the Taliban to become a crusader for women’s education.

But Naomi couldn’t get her sh*t together.

what the…?

First of all, she called the poor girl “malaria”. As far as typos go…this is about as bad as you can get. That’s like calling Ebony Magazine “Ebola”.

Then she couldn’t even spell “Nobel Peace Prize” right…she called it the “noblepeaceprize”.

And to put the cherry on top of the sh*t sundae–she hashtagged “ithalljuststarted”.

Girl get it TOGETHER. This is Twitter, not War and Peace.

Put the damn champagne down and tweet right unless you fired the poor little girl who was in charge of your tweeting by chucking your 6 Plus at her head, in which case, we understand. I’m sure Malala could take her job–she can take the heat.

eternal queen

Finally a car for you terrible drivers

Land Rovers and Range Rovers are all the rage among the women–they sit up high, hold all the kids, and have beautiful interiors.

Which is why Land Rover finally made a car *specifically* for you rich-ass hoes–the Land Rover Discovery Sport.

 

fierce

It’s a crossover, it’s nail polish red, and it has an airbag…on the OUTSIDE of the car.

finally, i can take out them skinny b*tches

Yup. It actually has a pedestrian airbag on the hood, so when you’re texting your man, sipping a latte, and fixing yo nasty eyeliner, you don’t kill the b*ches on the street in front of you.

Clever, right? No need to let pedestrians and broke-ass hoes get in your way.

YOU DO YOU GURL.

View post on imgur.com

b*tch get out my hood

This isn’t the first time a carmaker has made a car for women and it probably won’t be the last.

At least it’s not the Dodge LaFemme.

YAAAAAS bring Danielle Staub back to RHONJ

Let’s be honest: Danielle Staub is a cold ass bitch.

she’ll kill you with those razor eyebrows

She’s already been in the joint:

She was arrested with six kilos of coke and $16,000 cash in plain view.

If you’re interested in the plastic surgery she’s gotten, compare her now to her mugshot.

Anyway, she’s thirsty to get back on the show.

What else could she possibly have going on?

She was the first *bad* Housewife, and every bitch since then owes her a debt for breaking the bad-bitch Real Housewives hymen.

But now that Teresa’s ass is off to prison, who’s going to be the voice of crazy on the show?

get it

One Direction looks old, scary now

I never got the appeal of One Direction.

Ok, they’re cute little buggers who can sing in a group, but big whoop. We’ve been here before.

The problem with these groups is they don’t age well. Nobody these days becomes the Beatles or the Rolling Stones and just goes on in perpetuity. As soon as you get the semblance of a facial hair, you’re out.

Which is why it’s upsetting to see One Direction looking like this.

Half of them look like sh*tty extras on some Off-Off-Off-Broadway production of Grease in Indianapolis.

The other half look like old lesbians.

The only one that looks the same is that little blonde one on the left, but he’s prolly gonna look like that til he’s 50.

They haven’t been quite replaced yet, but give it time. Someone’s gonna get caught in a scandal or one will break out and then it’s game over.

And if anyone is reading this 30 years from now and wants to shove in my face that they’re super successful and they’re the new Rolling Stones, well, then I’ll personally mail you an 8 x 10 glossy of myself saying “I was wrong” with a face looking equally sad and sexy.

Snooki is so cute I can’t handle it

Snooki used to be a synonym for a fat, nasty-lookin troll ho.

She was parodied on South Park and basically looked like a mozzarella stick rolled into a ball.

FEED ME

But DAYUM, she just gave birth SIX DAYS AGO and girl is looking FINE as hell.

wow

Even when she was pregnant she looked happy and radiant.

I haven’t seen a reality star make a positive change quite like Snooki has in the past few years.

Good on you, mami.

if i had a heart it’d be melting like the ice caps now

Who wore it better? Real Housewives edition

Yolanda Foster and Lisa Rinna committed Real Housewife Homicide–they both showed up to the same event IN THE SAME DRESS.

Blood was not shed, but we didn’t see behind the scenes yet.

Anyway, it at least gave us the perfect chance to see “Who Wore It Better” among the Housewives.

This silhouette dress is very now, featuring a black central figurine, fitted shoulders, and thick netting.

So Who Wore it Better?

My money is on Yolanda–her curves naturally fill this out more.

That’s not to say it looks bad on Lisa, it looks good–just not as good as it does on Yolanda.

What do you think?

I can’t with this Kim Kardashian impersonator

Kim Kardashian is in demand because she’s got a unique look.

She’s curvy but not fat, has a heart-shaped face, exotic features, and manages to look good in both a bikini and dress.

get it gurl

Unfortunately, lots of girls, especially Middle-Eastern girls, are trying to copy her, and that just ain’t right.

How many times do I have to say it–you do you and don’t try to look like other people.

But this dumb ho didn’t listen.

nope

Look, she’s hot and all, but honey, Kim Kardashian did not ruin your career because you look like her.

Aside from their good looks, penchant for posting selfies and wearing designer brands, the women also share Armenian heritage, are from affluent backgrounds, reside in Los Angeles and were both friends with Kim’s sex tape bed fellow Ray J.

Ok, so that describes approximately every Armenian girl in LA.

But while women round the world are envious of Kim’s stunning looks and fashion sense, Milana is fed up of people thinking she’s copying the reality TV doyenne’s style.

‘I’m put in the position where it’s look [sic] upon as she’s done it and I’m following her.

‘Yet, a lot of the time it’s something that I’ve just created in my own mind and I’m setting the trend myself.’

You look like her. You could have changed up your makeup, hair, clothes anything. You look like you copied her cuz you copied her, duh.

A blogger with her own jewelry line who is on the cusp of releasing a book about doggy treats, Milana says ‘talentless’ Kim is perceived as sitting there and looking pretty.

STAND THE F*CK BACK KIM THIS BITCH GONNA RELEASE A BOOK ON DOGGY TREATS.

Something tells me this girl’s got experience with ‘doggy’ and I ain’t talkin about the one from Petco.

‘She has a lot of fans, they love her style, they love her make-up, however there’s no talent behind her work and what she does and why she is who she is.’

Uhm…she’s worth like $80 million and you write about doggy treats.

Who’s the talented one again?

She also feels the doyenne of reality TV has changed the public perception of Armenians.

‘I’m very limited to certain things I can do, in their [Kim and her family] case they are completely different I feel their culture is more towards their Mum’s side and not so much what their Dad has instilled in them.'”

Honey, live your life.

You are not limited.

Just cuz she’s not out there Armenianing it up doesn’t mean you can’t.

Crappy complexion, cartoonish lips, witch hair, and glasses from a mall kiosk?

Truth be told, I think Armenians are ok with you not being famous.

The publicity courting 27-year-old says her resemblance to the Keeping Up With The Kardashian’s star has wrecked her chances of starring in projects such as The Shahs Of Sunset and Rich Kids Of Beverly Hills.

‘I do a lot of fashion shoots but I believe resembling Kim K has ruined my modeling and reality TV career,’ revealed the American beauty in a recent video interview.

Dumb b*tch.

FINALLY heels that don’t hurt your feet

Dr. Taryn Rose was an orthopedic surgeon who created some of the first comfortable heels on the market.

ouch

She even walked up 282 steps in a pair of three inch heels to show how comfortable her heels are, which is certifiably badass.

And now she’s Kickstarting a new kind of heel–designed to cover all three of your arches (betcha didn’t even know you had three).

‘The wings “flutter” as you walk to provide a pumping action, which helps blood flow back to your heart from your feet,’ Dr Rose tells MailOnline. ‘This provides comfort and decreases swelling in your feet.’

The brand is called Enrico Cuini for DRESR, and it’s part of a revolutionary campaign to crowdfund a full fashion line.

They have a freaking carbon fiber insert to brace your foot–high tech!

Honestly, I’m impressed.

The cutouts are cute, the colors are hot, and the shape is on point.

They won’t be cheap–priced from $350 to $1995.

But girl, that’s still cheaper than Louboutins.

*lists soul on eBay*

Best part?

They look hot as hell.

What do you think?

Would you try these out?

Finally, an eye mask for your ratchets

Look, all I’m saying is that instead of having to ask to reach over and giving a handjob to the dude sitting next to you, you can just broadcast your intentions with this eye mask.

But not everyone is so positive.

Some tight-ass named Jayne Gorman of GirlTweetsWorld said:

‘It’s not something I would feel comfortable wearing. As a solo female traveller one of the most awkward parts of flying is trying to sleep in a confined space next to someone you met just minutes before. I’m not sure drawing attention to that fact helps anyone – even if it is meant to be funny.’

Then don’t buy one, ya big dummy.

I wouldn’t be comfortable in someone so humorless wearing something intended for people who can take a joke.